You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
