No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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