I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
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