I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
