Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
