did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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