Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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