She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
