So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
