Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
