I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
