these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
