my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
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Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
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I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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