Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
