i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
