Swine flu. Run for my life!
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
