I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
please come you make the beer taste better
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
