And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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