I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
