I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
you had me at cake vodka
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
