the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
