3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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