Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
