I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My butt remains clenched, sir.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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