oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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