ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
