my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
