My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
