You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just had sex bonerless
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
