GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
