Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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