dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
