I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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