if i can run in heels then i can drive
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
