K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
