I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
