This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
