I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
