it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
