i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
How's work?
Spinning.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
