At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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