I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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