i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
