So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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