Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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