if you like me you must not know who I am
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
