i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
