she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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