Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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