Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
