dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
