Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
