You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
