I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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