as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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