so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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