i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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