bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize