well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
