I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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