If i could tip my vagina, i would.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
