1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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