imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
