i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
