Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
